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They say that people who get drunk are trying to deal with something. They say that they are self- medicating. That could be.Maybe so... I'm at school now and I'm not in class. This is what I'm paying for...my "proper self" is telling me to get my ass up and go to class. I had a few Jager bombs before I came here tonight. I just want to hang out on the site . I don't want to go to class and hear about medical malpractice suits right now. I just want to sit here whith this cool assed buzz and surf this site and daydream about stuff. Right now reality is way too real. I want to believe that I am someone. I want to daydream that someone loves me. So far, I'm all alone, and I'm sick of it. 34 is too old to be like this. Maybe I was meant to be alone. Maybe that is how I belong. I just know that sometimes, the pople on this site are cooler to me than people I have known and loved all my life.

Just another night at school. This Gen Ed class is half over. Soon I'll go into another massage class. I'm looking forward to it. Massage classes generally leave me feeling calm and serene, even if there is a lot of anatomical information to absorb. The labs are great practice. Finally, I have found something I am truly suited for.

This is a line from an Alice Cooper song of the same name. I think it's off Raise Your Fist and Yell. Don't really know what made me think of it after all these years, but I love that song.

Why have I waited so long to write a personal entry in this public journal? I suppose that I'm a little shy when it come to really bearing my soul to those I have not met face to face. I am a Childe of an era long gone. Often told that I should have been born in another time and place. Yet the computer allows me to connect with those who are most like me. Those who have had a lifelong fascination with the Dark. I am conflicted in my very nature. While I desparately love the Darkness, I am a healer. At this time, I study to become a massage therapist. This month, however is another boring general education class. I must take these in order to obtain my associates degree. So, I suppose it is out of sheer boredom and dread of another night of mind numbing common sense type knowlege that I write this. For those of you who do not know... I am in night classes. I use the time immediately before and after class to visit this site. Feel free to make any suggestions for my profile. Thanks for taking your time to read my paltry words. there will be much more to come.